What your boss actually means

He says:               Do it at the earliest.

He means:            Do it before my manager asks me.

He says:               Do the needful.

He means:            You are all alone. I am not going to help you.

He says:               It is your responsibility.

He means:            If you are at fault, you are screwed. If you do it well, I will take the credit.

He says:               Are you facing problems with cab facility?

He means:            Are you coming on time?

He says:               The clients demand it.

He means:            I demand it.

He says:               I am your colleague.

He means:            *There is a hot girl in your project group*.

He says:               I am open to any suggestions.

He means:            I am open to suggestions which are exactly synonymous with my views.

He says:               I want this work done at any cost before EOD (end of day).

He means:            Even if you get hit by a car, you die only after completing the work.

He says:               If you are able to handle this part of the job, you will learn a lot.

He means:            I am too lazy to do my own work. You do it.

He says:               You are my valuable resource.

He means:             Don’t ask me any holidays for the next six months

           

Monsoonish love story

The monsoon had started and I was standing outside my office building waiting for the rain to stop so that I could go home. A pretty girl was walking towards my building so slow that it was evident she gave a damn about getting drenched. Like any normal Indian IT professional, I kept staring at her without giving her a nice smile because we are programmed to be pleasant only to clients. Spotting my obvious interest, she turned towards me and gave me a wide smile. Though I was overly excited, I gave her a laid back outlook.
‘Nice rains no’ she remarked. 
 Detecting her animated eyes, ‘Yeah, I love the rains. ’ I lied.
‘Then why are you standing here? Go enjoy the rain.’
I chose to ignore the comment. But for not wanting to end the conversation, I nonchalantly asked ‘Do you work here? I have never seen you here.’
‘No. I just come to play in the rains.’ She winked. 
Before I secretly started to cry inside, she asked ‘I am hungry, why don’t we get something to eat?’ biting her lips in anticipation. Not any sane guy would say ‘no’ to that question. And is she is biting her lip, we don’t even give it a second thought.  My heart beat was out of control; my mind was playing romantic music in the background and I followed her like the dog in the Hutch advertisement.
Over coffee, we spoke for a long time, hours passed by like minutes. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed staying at office after the stipulated hours. It is not always you connect with a person as soon as you meet them. I felt we were destined to meet. Before she left, I casually asked her number. But when a girl offers a guy her number, she has also given him the permission to woo her. Ha ha.
We started meeting for breakfast then we had even lunch together. The best thing about our meetings were, we never looked at our mobile phones, we were so engrossed in our conversations, we didn’t have to do anything to get entertained when we spent time together. So much to talk, so little time. One thing led to another and finally we fell in love. No proposal, no flirty talk, no conventional confirmation we just knew the transition. I so loved it. I have always imagined love to be spontaneous and my dream was becoming a reality.  
The best part was I never had to woo her, she loved me the way I was, and I loved her even more for that. For a guy overly obsessed with himself, this is like snowfall in Chennai. Of all the things your loved one could offer, the feeling that makes you feel good about yourself cannot be substituted. And she did and does just that. Making all the possible sacrifices one could, to make a relationship work. But I didn’t reciprocate. Obsession is like a disease, you will have to take the medicines, you cannot run away from it. And i realise it now. Almost forgot. The guy’s name is Siddarth and the girl liked to be called Pari. 'Even the....'
She suddenly started sobbing. Pleading to stop narrating the story, I stopped. The phone line went dead and so did a part of me. I stand before the mirror reluctant to look at my own face. Why the self-centered me never thought about her future or her happiness?  Wanting to slap myself a hundred times for hurting such a beautiful person, I drove towards the airport replaying all the beautiful moments we shared. Praying to God to give me one more opportunity, I reached the airport and realized the rain had stopped completely, the only reason why I opted to bring the car. I sat at a coffee shop far from the check in counter. I didn’t want her to see me. My throat went dry; I knew I was going to breakdown. I rushed towards the parking area eyes filled with tears. Deep down, I felt that I would meet her. There she was; standing under the tree with her eyes equally wet. I nervously walked towards her and told her ‘Even the smell of earth after rain will be put to shame before the smell of her hair. That is how it ends Pari.’ She cried even more and hugged me like she never had. I kissed her and looked at the skies. Bringing the car wasn’t a bad choice after all.